Stage 3

It's been a busy week with organising a birthday party for my girlfriend and a thousand other things at the same time. God, there's so much to think about and I say that honestly without wondering about what third year would be like and how close it is. 

I often have trouble remembering my thoughts and feelings. Some good ideas spring to mind when I'm driving since most of it is long distance (i.e. from one part of Sydney to another) and by the time I get to my destination, I end up forgetting. So then I'm stuck with being clammed up in front of a computer like I am now, wondering what to write and filling in the phases of hesitance with broad, general sentence so to seem as though everything is generalised. 

It's late and there is a subtle breeze gently making its way to me from the window on the other end of my new room, across the street from the hospital to which I've been assigned. We start full time clinical rotations at 0800 tomorrow and I spent most of today moving out of home. 

So it was not until I had finally settled in properly that I realised that I was going to be here for a considerable length of time. I was going through my study drawer that I brought over from home and when I opened the middle drawer, there it was: my Littmann Cardiology III black edition stethoscope. Suddenly, I felt weak at the knees as I held it up and realised that finally, I was close to achieving my goals and the fear of clinical practice was only but a few short hours away. The suspense filled me with excitement but nervousness and a tinge of anxiety. 

It doesn't take someone to be a specialist to understand how busy you keep yourself.

My tutor from last year said that to me. Apparently I get emotional and it is very apparent. One thing that really bothered me last year was the lack of respect my colleagues had for specialists and their time to teach, despite the fact it was pro bono teaching. Just last week, on the first day of orientation at our hospital, one of my friends was already complaining about how the day has been dragging on for a long time and how she wanted to go home really quickly. "Oh God how I wish the day would go by quicker".

This snaps my temper. What are you doing here if all you want to do is be at home? Why don't you just stay there, do nothing and that way, you'll have nothing to complain about? Notice how those questions are not in italic font. Well the reason behind that is to remind me to keep them as thoughts and not as verbalised thoughts. 

I have a difficult minefield to negotiate this year and I must say, most of these mines could bear my name on them before they blow up. There is a lot to lose and there is even more to suffer. Hopefully by me and not by the patients I am assigned. 

Stage 3 - here I come.