A Note to a Friend

Some people really change over time and this has been something that has affected me for almost 10 years. It's funny how change can be so scary but the thrill of the risk can make us see past the hesitation and fear. One of my friends and I were very close, to the point where we saw each other every day. The bottom line is that she found herself a boyfriend after breaking up with her former. The gap between her break up and her newly found was filled in by me; her good friend. Now that she has found and selected the person she wants, I have been thrown backstage. Some behaviours I experienced were inappropriate and other times when I needed some emotional support, it was given very poorly due to other concerns, or not at all. Come to think of it, I'd prefer the latter than the humiliation of the former.

Now it seems that every time we speak, I start the conversation, or I make the call. To me, that feels one-sided and incredibly embarrassing that I still care so much about the friendship I held dearly to me last year. Here I am, stuck feeling like an idiot about asking a particular person's attention.

I held in these feelings, occasionally feeding it back, receiving apologies in return.

Finally, I had the nerve of asking the question: Do you think I have high expectations of you?


To which the answer was written:  i don't think you have high expectations of me. I think we're both just really busy and I think I was a bit decompensated this week with everything that happened. I think we should catch up when things calm down for me. I have Community next block and it looks pretty easygoing, so we'll see then. 


I didn't know what to make of this, except to feel humiliated that I brought the question up. I could only think of one thing to say:

I don't recall mentioning that I'm busy. I know my schedule is demanding, but I'm happy to make time for friends. Things were quite different last year. I guess it's been a big adjustment for me. 


The bottom line is that you've got the attention and support you were looking for from the person you wanted it from. And until that happened, you were just happy to make do with me. 


Now, every time I talk to you or make an effort to try, it feels really one-sided because you're busy doing other things, seeing other people and of course, clinical. 


And from my perspective, from the manner of your previous message - it seemed like writing to me or organising time to see me was a chore. 


So in my view, I had the expectations of our friendship in 2010, which is obviously very different from what it is now and I don't think it's due to time constraints. 


To an extent, I do feel that you are uncomfortable talking to me. So don't feel obliged to write back.