Precipice

Lost case. It's the term we used for the guys in high school when they were completed spaced out. That definition has described my last week or so in my attempt to prepare for the Obstetrics & Gynaecology examinations, which we were subjected to yesterday and today.

Once again I haven't written in this blog for a while, given the events of last week. What I should really be doing right now is writing the ethics essay so I can have it over and done with. What I'm actually doing is writing here after cracking open a cheap bottle of wine.

The weekend was intense with work and other things I can't remember, despite it being Wednesday. Though that's funny because I had to be reminded of that a few times as well.

It was Monday morning and I was having a cup of coffee with mum. It was the day I planned to spend preparing for the Objective Structured Clinical Examination (OSCE) for O&G. I had already started studying on Saturday.

Frustration loomed as I realised we didn't have our seat numbers for the written test on Wednesday. So I e-mailed our co-ordinator and she revealed that the seat numbers will be available to view on the morning of the exam and please remember the exam is on Tuesday.

Say what? Oh no... I've just spent the last 2 days preparing for the wrong exam. Different questions, different approaches. That's not good. My entire body flinched as if I had been stung by a stingray. Mum noticed it from across the room and freaked her out.

I went to go pick up my recent 'study buddy' and told him that the exam was on the Tuesday rather than Wednesday. He was unhappy to be corrected as well. We were under the impression the OSCE was first. And Monday had to be our day of desperation - to cram in whatever we could for the written O&G assessment. We were not ready.

12 hours later, we realised there was not much else we could do. Consecutive study for 12 hours is detrimental and I advise anybody against it. The truth is that I have never learnt so much in my life. Lecture after lecture, book after book, article after article, discussion after discussion; if I had a cerebral aneurysm, I definitely would've known about it on Monday.

And then came the exam on Tuesday -  very difficult and unforgiving. The questions were confusing, some had several correct answers meaning we had to decide which one was 'most correct'. Others gave laboratory values for investigations without normal ranges (and I'm talking about FSH & Prolactin levels, not Hb or something straightforward). There were even questions about syndromes and disease none of us had come across before.

The weather after the exam was reassuring and had a healing effect for me. We needed to continue our preparation for the OSCE. After a short break for lunch, it was time for the common scenarios given by one of the Professors of O&G and students from the years above.

Exhaustion crept in. Focussing and maintaining concentration was challenging. I was starting to believe that I knew enough and that is when I am in the greatest danger. This block has given me the bitter taste of failure and although I am aware of how lacking my knowledge is, I couldn't bring myself to study any further from 2100.

This morning the drive was good and we studied in the car, at home; pretty much everywhere except the bathroom. We were not desperate enough to exchange answers through the bathroom through but maybe we should have been.

We had 7 stations: 2 Gynaecology, 2 Obstetrics, 2 Folder Stations (questions only) and 1 Neonatology station. There was one rest station as well but who cares.

All 8 of us walked out like we had been hit by a train. It was awful. The scenarios they had given us and advised of were not in the exam. I shouldn't complain about that I guess. We should know 'everything' right? But the scenarios were difficult and well most of us agreed that we drew blanks in almost all the stations.

I could not be more demoralised. After the exam, I just wanted to disappear, but I had promised some of the first year students to go over their OSCE stations. That took about 4 hours: answering questions and giving feedback. It takes so much out of you.

So once again - I've got my tail tucked in between my legs and I'm walking home with a headspace of insecurity, uncertainty and just a wish that I do not have to deal with these exams again. Because as my colleagues know, we have our final year examinations in about 2 weeks and we are far from ready. Doing a re-sit examination would require revision of O&G just before the finals testing Medicine, Surgery and GP/O&G. We don't need this. I don't need this.

But until Friday, I won't know if I passed. So in the meantime, I just have to work on my deficiencies... I.e. the ethics essay.