Finish What You Start

Clinical is never finished when we are dismissed - not for me. It is my understanding and strong opinion that for the past two years we have learnt the science of medicine and acquired some form of appreciation of the art of medicine. We are held together by a code of obligatory ethics, regulated by a national board. However, choice is far different than obligation and the two seldom parallel. Choice is a freedom, a component of living and is expressed in different forms depending on its context.

I have been learning medicine for two years and I refuse to turn off the ability to recognise disease regardless of where I am, what I am doing and who I am with. Based on the vocation I chose, not profession, I owe it to the people that have entrusted me with their stories, loved ones, secrets and embarrassing moments - I owe them focus, conversion of thought. Concentration on their concerns.

Most of the time, my ideas are dismissed or thoughts ignored - a choice I must come to accept; a freedom a patient has every right to.

So in that philosophy, every person out there is a patient epidemiologically. Therefore, everyone deserves to be screened, at least primitively, regardless of the demographic setting. Therein, lies the problem within me.

I do pay attention to people's behaviour, even my friends. Jumping to conclusions, developing hypotheses; dismissing something, considering other theories. However I do try to listen, I try not to get easily distracted as I kept getting reminded as a child and still do as an adult by others.

You could probably tell by reading my words that my thoughts are rather disjointed. What I originally thought I'd write when I typed the title above is actually very different from now. That means I spend a considerable amount of time poorly trying to recall and recollect my original thoughts; sometimes so desperately that I omit the relevance of what I was thinking. It is most embarrassing.

What I really wanted to write is that I truly feel so alone - when I was in my first year, my patient doctor tutor, MG, was a specialist and a general physician. He made clear the importance of professional distance not through his principle of words, but through his actions; we were all kept at arm's length away from him. We all knew what was too close through abrupt reminders. I remember making a statement that he didn't seem unfamiliar with:

These patients are suffering - I really wish there was more we could do. How do we know that have good living conditions?


MG always paused before answering something and the pause was awkward because he was staring at you like a hawk. He constantly assessed not just your words, but your character, persona and posture. A lot more is said by the body than by word of mouth. And his response was:

What do you suggest we do Doruk? Do we go to the extent of offering people a place to stay and some money for rent? 


I suddenly realised that it was not practical.

We do the best we can given the circumstances. 


My goodness, was I disappointed! As short-sighted as I am, not considering the depth of the philosophy of others, I promised myself that I would always be close to the people I wanted to help.

Tonight I found myself taking a history over coffee, realising that I was discussing clinical concerns with a friend about his weight loss. I had the same persona as MG - it was obvious. My questions relayed my concerns, but the tone was steel.

Cold to receipt with a chilly abruption of blood sending the information to my friend's brain - comprehension.

It is clear to me, through my impression of the choice I have made, that is to serve humanity by restoring multi-faceted function to sustain a quality of life that is fathomable and compatible with what any person perceived before presenting to me, that I must never stop thinking. I cannot stop.

It might be damaging to me, but so little is gained if we do not sustain damage. At least, hopefully, such damage is repairable.