Stress Rising

Once again, it's taken me a long time to write anything on here and the word 'busy' creeps into my mind. I really don't like using that word because it is patronising; it portrays that there are other things that need to be done before one's attention is diverted elsewhere. It's quite sad when people are told that one is busy, because I feel that it implies that those people are not important, not worthy of our immediate attention. How must patients feel with such words.

This weekend was quite good. Work was busy and I caught up with my girlfriend and my good friend. We all went to dinner on Saturday night and it was a fantastic experience. However, my lack of sleep really didn't help. I have had rocking sleeping patterns this passing week because of my mother's operation. She had a laparoscopic cholecystectomy performed along with two core liver biopsies taken. She had the procedure on Wednesday afternoon and was discharged from hospital on Friday morning. 

Unfortunately the day of her operation was hell for me. I had to take the day off from my clinical attachment three days after joining my team. I had the admissions committee meeting in the early afternoon, which went until the early evening, but leaving early was something that needed to be done because I had to present my research findings to the summer research scholarship judges. After that, I didn't go back to the admissions meeting and decided to head to the hospital. We waited for several hours before mum was admitted to the word after the operation. Dad was there with since 0600 and I felt guilty about being absent during the day. 

I couldn't take any more time off from the attachment, so I decided to drive back to the hospital on Thursday morning. Knowing that I wasn't going to see mum until the weekend, I thought I'd visit her bright and early in the morning at 0530 before I joined my team. After visiting her for a short time, I had to cruise for over an hour to get to my allocated hospital and slap myself several times so I didn't fall asleep behind the wheel - it's starting to get dangerous. 

Staying out late on the weekend coupled with work and more driving really took it out of me. So, I decided to sleep for 10 hours on Sunday night and could barely wake up. My body wanted more sleep, more rest. It's difficult for me to put my mind at rest when I sleep because I still think about the events that happen during the day and other things that are important to me. I always make a list of things I need to do before I fall asleep and that list is seldom the same the following morning; so I spent the night modifying the list, but that's probably not an accurate description of what really happens when I sleep - more of a dumb joke really. 

It's Monday evening and I'm quite tired from today. It's been a long day again and I really need some more rest. My room mate and I are getting along very well and I'm really happy that we're living together - it's a really good relationship and I think it's really going to help me get through this year. My room mate pointed out how he has no idea how to study for this year and I feel the same way, so we started discussing the assessments and because he's attached to a different team, I was very confused when he talked about the examinable materials, as I hadn't heard of them. I decided to look it up and didn't find much for my attachment, which started to stress me out. 

It seems that we are plunged into chaos again. I've got no idea about what to do with this year - how to study, how much to learn and what to do. I need to sit down and do my work. I haven't had any time for it.

This situation reminds of our orientation week in the first year, when the head of assessment was asked to brief us on what we should expect in terms of exams. He concluded his presentation with this:

You must all love examinations because you have signed up to a program with an unforgiving assessment component. The truth holds that if you are failing in your examinations, it is highly probable that you are also failing at life.


Ever since I stopped studying, I haven't had a chance to work out properly, haven't sorted things out with my extra-curricular activities and haven't managed my finances. I have to work this out.



I really have to work this out.