I have been telling people that I haven't had a weekend or weekday off since Christmas last year. When I say time off, I mean not due to illness or burn out; I simply mean just catching up on the things that make me happy.
Then I remembered the limitations of my commitments to study - I had a few meetings in the holiday break about research and my commitments to the Faculty - so automatically I thought about dropping plans of hours of long study, but I probably wasn't going to do it anyway. The same thing happened with exercise - I was ready to go to the gym every single day on my break.
The meeting on Monday was about my research and it went well - I have things that need to be done but I don't have a good timetable, or an idea about the time-frame I want to complete everything by. After the meeting, I received another 300 papers that require data-entry and analysis, which seemed fine at the time but when I went home with it... I realised the truth: the burden of it was heavier than I anticipated.
It was time for a proper break - no study, no exercise and no commitments except to friends and family. I e-mailed my supervisor the next day and asked her for the week off and she said that sounds like a fantastic idea.
I wasn't working - I wasn't a medical student. Actually, I lie about the second part; meeting with fellow colleagues meant that you shared a few stories about experiences; gave advice and received it. But that was relaxing - we could discuss cases and understand the consequences; learn from each other and that process never stops. It's better to embrace it than to avoid it.
Either way, it was a great break. I feel replenished with life. I saw daylight, ate delicious food and drank beer. Got stuck in traffic and smiled. Turned the stereo off to admire the moment: the moment I wasn't rushing somewhere.
Yesterday, I took my shoes off for the first time outdoors this autumn and walked barefoot on the grass. It was such an amazing feeling of freedom.
It was a great week and I think this time off will help me get back into my work. I can hopefully reverse the process of quality decline.
General Practice is next and there seems to be much to do. I was thinking of using this rotation to catch up with my Cardiology, Haematology, Musculoskeletal and Respiratory Medicine. With all the assessments, assignments, presentations and examinations they have planned for us, I don't think catching up with Medicine or Surgery will happen any time soon.
The rest of the year will be very delicate - the remaining rotations will all be Specialty Blocks and there will be very little time to study things outside of their realms. This is because Specialty Blocks have their own assessments that must be passed. They are examined in the time allocated to them and that is all you do for them. The Barrier examination at the end of the year tests the Core Blocks, which are Medicine and Surgery - both of which require some serious revision on my part.
Thinking about all of these assessments - I do not feel stressed. I am looking forward to going back and finally getting back into some work.
Writing here is probably the only proper hobby I have. That sounds depressing, but it is the truth and the holiday proved it. My alone time is writing and I love it. I just wish I had more to share at times and time to share it with everyone who reads these posts.
I see the time between my last break and this current break as a big breath hold; this break was my ability to breathe again.
Now, the time comes for another breath hold and I hope I can keep myself consistent throughout it and balance well so that I come out feeling confident, knowledgeable and above all - useful to those people who present to medical practitioners in need of help and assistance. I look forward to meeting them and doing what I can to help them.
The breath hold begins.
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